Me or S/He?

“Bhala uski kameez meri kameez se safed kaise?"

Hidden within this famous tagline is the existence of an essential component of our lives-COMPARISON. This may have both a negative as well as a positive connotation.

- My Life, My Friends, My Acquaintances

- My Job, My Salary, My Designation

- My Home, My Car, My Leisures & Pleasures

- My Education, My Certificates, My Social Connect

- My Family, My Children, My Relatives

... so on and so forth

While the above list can go on and on, the magnitude of comparison and heartburn is endless too. These comparisons can also impact us differently according to our outlook and attitude. Many a times these comparisons motivate us to push ourselves, it does also come with its fair share of dejection.

As there is a high urge of people these days to update the social media accounts with minutest details of their personal lives, the situation is growing graver and taking turns for the worse. While our own situation and privileges, howsoever great they may be, the accomplishments of others lead to newer desires and greater goals, as the wants of man are unlimited and easily overshadows the needs of man. This sense of competition, comparison, and urge to outdo others makes people slog it out more, while compromising on their health, family, friends, and most of all, peace of mind. It is rightly said - "Success Leads to Pride, Failure to Agony"

The epitome of this behavior in the Indian society - Sharma Ji ka beta graduation mein har semester mein 90% score kar raha hai. Now you want your child to score better and get a higher grade. This leads to us creating undue pressure on our child, disregarding the fact that the child is still in secondary school!

Do not confuse your path with your destination. Just because it is stormy now does not mean that you are not headed for sunshine. Be thankful for what you have, and you will end up attracting more of it in your life. If you are obsessed with what you do not have, you will never ever in your life have enough to satiate your wants. Life is not a race; it is a journey. We should contemplate why we need or want to compare ourselves and try to fit in, when we are born to stand out. Do not compare your first chapter of the first part, with someone else's second chapter of the third part. Gratitude develops faith, and the surest path out of a slump is marked by the road sign that reads - "Thank You God".

I sign off by saying - The tragedy of life is that we grow old too soon and wise too late.

Please share your thoughts, anecdotes, and wisdom on this beautiful journey called LIFE.

My School: My Past, Present & Future

A Lot of Who I Am is Because of My School. 

I spent 12 years of my early life there. Spending eight long hours every day at the same old buildings filled with delightful and exuberant children of different ages is not as easy as one thinks it to be. What is more, is the never-ending homework that accompanied only added to the hatred of many towards school. Undoubtedly, school is annoying and boring with a lot of effort going towards attaining good grades. Nonetheless, school is highly important; hence, the reason why our parents pressurized us to work so hard. Giving school a miss would have meant missing out an important stage of our life. Thus, out of the few negatives that come across going to school, it definitely has several positives as well.

School is the basic foundation of knowledge being imparted to a child. It gives a chance to children to acquire knowledge on various fields of education, such as people, literature, history, mathematics, politics, and other numerous subjects. Gone are the days when school meant just learning the events given in a history chapter or solving tough mathematical problems or reciting poems and sonnets!

Nowadays, school has become the first stepping stone in the life of a child, wherein he/she learns a lot more than just rote learning. Developing hobbies, refining them, learning basic etiquettes, getting skilled at multi tasking, developing social skills are some of the many things that a school equips a child with.

Having said this, schools especially in India are given little credit for their contribution to one’s success and no mention in the success stories because they largely ignore their alumni asset. Many progressive school managements are now rising up to claim what is rightfully theirs. It is rather surprising how the schools are literally in the dark about most of their alumni and how engaging with a subset through sporadic occasions like annual reunions seems to be the trusted mantra, and this in an age, where literally anyone can connect across the globe and deep relevant engagement is possible. Schools need to start engaging with their alumni beyond nostalgia. This network can then surpass the utility of other networks for employment, entrepreneurship, personal growth, life skills, and networking.

Everyone knows that the newly appointed Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal is from IIT Bombay but nobody knows the school he is from. Satya Nadella of Microsoft, on the other hand has spoken about his school Hyderabad Public School on multiple occasions. 

True outcome for a school is a student’s journey after school. No better ambassador for the school than its Alumni. While IIT/AIIMS admission can be one such measure, it surely is not the only one. Diversity in career choices, corporate achievers, entrepreneurs, sports accomplishments are a few others. It would be great to have more Indian achievers attribute some credit to their schools in addition to the IITs/NITs/Med Schools they graduated from.

I am a proud Tiny Tot, St. Josephian, DAVian, Chinmayite and DPSite (well.... father was in a transferrable job, so had many great institutions contributing to shaping me to what I am today)

Reflections of 2021

The end of the year is a wonderful time to reflect upon what has been, where we are, and where we are going. Anybody who could have predicted this year that unfolded would have been called crazy, as who could imagine the pandemic with its consequent lockdowns, quarantines, loss, change of lifestyle, and on and on.

Much has been made about counting our blessings as we close out the year. Psychologists believe that expressing gratitude, particularly writing gratitude lists, can be very beneficial for people’s state of mind and soul.  There is nothing wrong with gratefulness, yet that seems to cut the real possibility of reflection short.

As the current year winds down, the new year brings exciting plans and opportunities. Going forward, I have made it a habit to take time to reflect during the month of December, assessing the previous year by reviewing what went well and what could have gone better, and how I can grow and change to meet the needs of future challenges. This reflection sets the stage for my personal and professional “New Year” goals.

What went well: There is a lot to be impressed with in 2021, but for me, at the top of that list are the COVID-19 vaccines, recoveries, and resilience witnessed world-over. Well, personally too I came back from the hospital with some minor physical attributions from almost a near-fatal condition.

What I wish went better: I can’t remember when we stopped listening to each other, and by that, I mean listening to those who do not think exactly like ourselves, be they our friends, parents, siblings, or kids.

I have no illusions that 2022 is going to be easy. I know that the pandemic will not be gone soon, but will eventually do, all of them do, our societies may struggle with the philosophical, and psychological polarization driven by perspectives, and the workplace will continue to be redefined, yet, I can’t help but be optimistic.

While I work on my 2022 “New Year” goals, I am pretty sure they will revolve around making the world a better place, investing in people, and being ethical and transparent.

I am Busy, I am Counterproductive!

For far too long, we have worn the medallion of being busy as the mantle of honour. We tend to see it as a good thing, to have a swelling To-do list with many things to complete, accomplish and achieve. Being constantly busy actually puts you in bad light, and may often mean being bogged down with too many plans. We may pamper ourselves by saying that this is multitasking but believe you me, it reflects the lack of planning, prioritization, scheduling, instead counter-productivity and goes to show that there are actually so many uncompleted tasks.

Being stretched thinly leads to anxiety and may lead to depression, considering we may at times perceive that we have not done anything properly. Successful people on the other hand, do fewer things and follow the principle of DOTS - Do One Thing Surely.

Pseudo Equality - A False Equivalence

Just couldn't stop myself from penning this down. We have changed a lot in our behavior towards women and the third gender. However, even the equal status of the two most prevalent fabrics of the society, men and women is far from achieved. Gender equality and gender neutrality are the two most worked upon and talked about jargon when it comes to working in advancements towards the development of women. The structural fabric of violence against women is based on patriarchy and misogyny.

On the flip side, the mere idea of feminism is being misconstrued as the idea of hating men. The correct word choice for a man-hater is a misandrist. Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes.

There should be gender equality’ —a familiar line uttered repeatedly by many self-claimed modern era intellectuals, but when asked to articulate their idea and expectations, interestingly most have a different narrative, substantiated by ambiguous logic, as experienced by me -

Ladies First - counter logic, if there is equality, why should one be privileged over the other?

Women’s Reservation - doesn’t reservation make one a privileged class. How is the call for equality justified then?

Let me be a bit of a devil’s advocate in a broad sense. Gender equality means there shouldn’t be any discrimination among genders. Right? I like to define the term as ‘men and women are complementary to each other’. My argument is that gender equality means equal respect and equal remuneration in the same performance in their exclusive domain. Once you have said equal opportunity in every space, then ‘reservations’, ‘separate events’ etc. defeat the purpose.

Durga Ashtami

ऐं ह्रीं क्लीं चामुण्डायै विच्चे ॥

Durga Puja is a celebration of divine and dynamic feminine power, Shakti and her victory over the evil Mahishasura. The Durga Puja festival is one of the most societal and dramatic event filled with dance performances dedicated in the name of the deity, mythological skits and different kind of cultural performances.

Durga Ashtami is the eighth day of the Navratri celebrations. The well-known traditional belief is that when Lord Indra was vanquished, the holy trinity, Brahma-Vishnu-Mahesh, created Durga and each part of her body was blessed with strength and energies of these Gods, to defeat Mahishasura, who was bestowed a boon by Lord Brahma himself, that he could only be defeated by a female warrior. On this day, she made use of the weapons that symbolized their strength to defeat Mahishasura with her trident.

There is also a belief in some regions that Goddess Kali appeared from the forehead of Durga on this day to annihilate Chanda, Munda and Raktabija. During the Durga Puja rituals on Mahashtami, the 64 Yoginis and Ashta Nayikas (also known as Ashta Shakti) – the eight consorts of Durga, namely Brahmani, Maheshwari, Kameshwari, Vaishnavi, Varahi, Narasinghi, Indrani and Chamunda are also worshipped. On this day, women tend to take the center stage while being a stark reminder of how women used to hold a lot more power and status in ancient India. 

Durga Puja in India is much beyond the charm and sparkle of pandals and is not just limited to revelries and indulging. Durga Puja reflects the depth and richness of Indian culture and words cannot justify the grandeur and beauty of this magnificent festival. The real reason for every devotee to perform Durga Puja is the enlightenment of soul and the rejoicing of good over evil.

Come enlighten, celebrate and enjoy! JAI MAA DURGA!!

Impostor Syndrome Affects Females More?

Impostor Syndrome has long been thought to affect women more than men, particularly in male-dominated environments.

Impostor syndrome is especially prevalent in biased, toxic cultures that value individualism and overwork. We often falsely equate confidence, most often, the type demonstrated by male leaders with competence and leadership. Employees who can’t (or won’t) conform to male-biased social styles are told or made to relate to impostor syndrome, in a crude manner or in most cases, in a subtle manner.

The truth of the matter is that pretty much anywhere in the world men tend to think that they are much smarter than women. While arrogance and overconfidence are inversely related to leadership talent, yet the ability to build and maintain high-performing teams, and to inspire followers to set aside their selfish agendas in order to work for the common interest of the group often become an oversight and oft perceived unimportant perk.

The way forward is inclusive workplaces as a multivitamin that can ensure that women of all classes, color, region and skill can thrive. Rather than the focus on fixing impostor syndrome, professionals whose identities have been marginalized and discriminated against must experience a cultural shift writ large.

Leaders must create a culture for women that addresses systemic bias and racism. Only by doing so can we reduce the experiences that culminate in so-called impostor syndrome among employees from all communities and walks of life, or at the very least, help those employees channel healthy self-doubt into positive motivation, which is best fostered within a supportive work culture.

Perhaps then we can stop misdiagnosing women with “Impostor Syndrome” once and for all.